Monologue joke: "Movie news: This week, the #1 movie at the box office was 'Inside Man.' I believe that was the original title of 'Brokeback Mountain.'" I enjoyed that one.

Dave billboards tonight's programming, telling how Antonio Banderas is in a film, "Take the Lead," where he comes across these troubled inner-city kids and says, "They need to learn how to ballroom dance." I liked the description. It sort of reminded me of "Swing Kids," a movie that tried to make us feel empathy for German kids during World War II because they weren't allowed to dance. Meanwhile, a holocaust was going on in their backyard. . . . but don't think about that.

Also on the show; Patrice Oneal and The Flaming Lips. I "Played the Dave," guessing Dave would say, "By the way . . . The Flaming Lips . . . . that was also a title considered for the movie 'Brokeback Mountain.'" He didn't say it. I lost.

We got another one of those Osama video tapes in the mail today. It was very odd. We find Osama with microphone in hand spewing this message:

"I swear we will continue our jihad against the infidels until total victory! However, I would like to remind our American friends that Daylight Saving Time resumes this Sunday. Remember to set your clocks ahead one hour on Saturday night! Have a great spring! Oh, and death to America . . . and go Florida Gators."

GOOD SPRING BREAK VS. BAD SPRING BREAK: It's Spring Break time. Have you ever gone on Spring Break? Was it a good spring break or a bad spring break? My memory of Spring Break was Daytona, 1979 during the Larry Bird/Magic Johnson NCAA Finals. And I remember paying $3.50 for a Pina Colada and thinking how outrageous the price was. And I remember eating once a day at an all-you-can drink pancake house. Yes, that's right, an all-you-can drink pancake house. It was a great way to start the day.
Good Spring Break: Getting drunk and making out with hot coeds.
Bad Spring Break: Getting drunk and making out with your hot cousin.

Good Spring Break: Appear in a special spring break MTV show.
Bad Spring Break: Appear in a special spring break "Cops"

Good Spring Break: A stroll on the beach with a girl that looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones
Bad Spring Break: A stroll on the beach with a girl that looks like Tommy Lee Jones.

During the commercial break, Paul and the band played "Everlong" (I think) by Foo Fighters. Dave loves the song and remembers when the Foo came to Dave's 1st show back from his heart transplant and played that song. It was a special night. Now whenever Dave hears that song, it reminds him of a man sawing open his chest.

Dave turns and picks up the phone. We hear a droning voice, "There is a D with a little 2 over it and then an XY and then this weird-looking letter which kinds looks like B, but it's not a B. . . ." Dave hangs up the phone. He explains that this was "a joke from last night. It means nothing tonight. In fact, it meant nothing last night."
The idea of Dave picking up the phone to bring back last night's joke was decided seconds before the show. I have no idea of the thinking behind it but I found it a bit odd. And I enjoyed the oddness. It made no sense.

TRUE TALES OF NEW YORK CITY ACCOUNTANTS: It's tax season again and right now across New York City, thousands of accountants are working tirelessly to get our tax returns done. We have a new segment for this, "True Tales of New York City Accountants."
We see a lone tax accountant hard at work at his desk. We hear his thoughts.

"After 40 years of playing by the rules, one day I'd had enough. I decided it was time to cut loose and stick it to the man. And I knew just how to do it."

TOP TEN: Things Overheard During George W. Bush's Trip to Cancun - the President is in Cancun, Mexico on a two-day summit to discuss immigration, border security, and trade issues with Mexico's President Vincente Fox and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
#9. "As President of the United States, I pledge to do whatever's necessary to help the Cancunians!"
#7. "Cozumel? Isn't that the chick I made Secretary of State?"
#3. "NAFTA? Don't they make auto parts?"

Here's something you wouldn't know unless you were at the show. Immediately following this Top Ten, we did another Top Ten for the New York Yankees. The team has their annual homecoming dinner in a week and Dave usually does a top ten list for them. The list will be shown at the dinner. Following this special Yankee Top Ten, Dave threw to commercial. What you saw last night was the Bush in Cancun Top Ten, followed by the closing animation. Out of the animation, we made the edit and you saw Dave just after the Yankee Top Ten. He then threw to commercial.

ANTONIO BANDERAS: He's in the film, "Take the Lead." Antonio is also Zorro, but not in this film. He's got the Zorro sword at home and used it once as protection against intruders. It was the only thing in the house that had a point at the end. Lucky for the trespassers, they did not run into Zorro, though I think "Zorro" felt he was the lucky one.
Antonio is married to Melanie Griffith and they will be returning to his hometown of Malaga, Spain for Holy Week. Malaga's Holy Week tradition is a long celebrated occasion dating back to 1487. We see a photo of the event of a six-ton float being carried by the town-folk. I could use those guys this weekend when I clean out my attic.
Antonio's new film, "Take the Lead," opens April 7th. I saw a commercial and immediately thought it was this decade's "Saturday Night Fever." Will it create a new dance craze, the way Travolta ignited the disco era of the mid-70s? (Yikes . . . has it really been 30 years?) "Take the Lead" is based on a true story of a guy in New York City who introduced ballroom dancing to inner city kids. We see a clip. Oooh, nice dancing . . . not quite "the forbidden dance," but quite enchanting.
Antonio Banderas has become such a smooth dancer that he can tango or salsa or rhumba with anyone and make them look good. Need proof? Antonio offers to pick someone from the audience and do just that. Dave and Antonio walk towards the audience and Dave picks a woman in the second seat, second row. She's a bit bashful but is willing to play along. Once on stage with Antonio, she rips off her trench coat and reveals a hot red outfit. She Tangos with Antonio, doing the dips, spins, and bends needed to perform such a dance. Quite the performance. Antonio has convinced me.

PATRICE O'NEAL: From VH-1's "Web Junk 20."
Dave is interested in the name "Patrice." Patrice says his real name is Patrice Lumumba. He says back in the 60s and 70s, many black people were named after activists who were killed, like Martin and Malcolm. He was named after Patrice Lumumba, a hero in the Congolese liberation. Patrice was originally to be named "Lumumba" but his mom reconsidered and eventually decided on Lumumba's first name, Patrice.

"Web Junk 20" is a show which each week takes a look at 20 internet videos in countdown fashion. It's not like Bob Saget's funny video show; this is more "WOW! Did that really happen!!!" You are often left wondering if the person is still alive.
We see a few clips.
1. We see a police officer showing a classroom full of kids the importance of gun safety and just how dangerous a loaded gun can be. Seconds after holding the gun high over head and saying how he is the only one in the room qualified to handle the gun, he puts the gun in his belt and accidentally shoots himself in the leg. Patrice points out that the most impressive thing in the clip was the total lack of reaction from the school kids.
2. We see a fainting newswoman during her TV report at the desk. She faints, falls over, followed by the scenery tumbling down on top of her.
3. It's the worst weatherman in the world. I had seen this before and questioned if it was for real. Dave wondered the same. But it was all real. The guy was bad . . . terrible bad. I was waiting for his tagline, "Boom goes the thunder."
4. On the Home Shopping Network, we see a guy showcasing a samurai sword. Of course when you have a samurai sword you just have to start swinging it around. This guy did . . . . and stabbed himself in the arm. He falls to the ground in pain. A stagehand walks in, checks on the guy, then says to the camera, "We may need emergency surgery in the studio."

Patrice Oneal on VH-1's "Web Junk 20" - Friday nights at 11:30. TIVO it! It looks very entertaining.

ACT 5: Alan, inexplicably in a Zorro mask and hat - "It's time for 'Harold Larkin's Outdated Medical Advice."
Harold in front of a stove: "Next time you have a sore throat, heat coarse salt in a cast-iron frying pan.
Then fill a hand-knit wool stocking with the heated salt.
Lastly, hold the sock around your neck with a large safety pin.
Take it from me. This remedy is the cat's pajamas and it'll have you in the pink in no time."
Alan: "This has been 'Harold Larkin's Outdated Medical Advice.' 10-4, good buddy."

THE FLAMING LIPS: From their soon to be released CD, "At War with the Mystics," The Flaming Lips performed "Yeah Yeah Yeah Song."

And that was our show for Thursday, March 30, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

A whole lot of money goes into running a network and publicizing it. . . . lots and lots of money. You need to get your network out there; you want your message clear; you want people to know about your programs. That is why I was a bit perplexed when I was searching for a program on the FOXNEWS website and found this. It's their daily lineup for the week. Take a look at it.
http://www.foxnews.com/other/schedule_thursday.html
You can't read their lineup! Whose idea was it to put black copy over a blue and black background? I mean, come on! How could this be? C'mon, FOX! THESE ARE YOUR SHOWS!!!! Am I really the only one who is bothered by this?

Remember PRODIGY? That was on my first computer back in the late 80's.

From Tuesday's Wahoo:

I was impressed with myself for figuring out that in a 64-team tournament, it takes 63 games to decide a champion. In a 32-team tournament, it would take 31 games. It's a simple math formula: Number of teams, minus 1, equals # of games needed to decide a champion. But the more I thought of it, it wasn't so impressive a discovery.

"Your discovery of 'tournament math' (i.e., it takes 7 games to get a champion out of 8 teams) is pretty straightforward. If you have 64 teams, then 63 have to lose to end up with a winner. 63 losses take 63 games."

Adam Ostrow, from Paxton, MA, now a student at Arizona State University

"On the topic of the tournament formula, we actually did this in AP Stats my senior year of high school. The easiest way to remember it is, that in any single-elimination tournament, every team but one has to lose one game. And every game has to have a loser, so the number of losing teams equals the number of games, which is the number of total teams, minus one."

FLORIDA GATORS FIGHT SONG
Orange & Blue
University of Florida Fight Song
So Give a Cheer for the
Orange and Blue,
Waving Forever!
Forever Pride of Old Florida,
May She Droop Never.
Well Sing a Song for the Flag Today,
Cheer for the Team at Play!
On to the Goal,
We'll Fight our Way for
Florida!

Check out some enjoyable still-shots from the Late Show. I was visitor #9240 yesterday morning. Who will be #10,000? And on what day will #10,000 fall on? http://community-2.webtv.net/bostonbill41/WednesdayStillShots/