Christo and Jeanne-Claude’s creation, “The Gates” in Central Park continues to be a big draw for tourists to the city. They’ve been up for a week and we’ll be coming down at the end of this week. We get a view of “The Gates.”

But as is bound to happen in New York City, good things tend to go bad. This is what Dave saw this morning. We cut to a yellow cab driving down 53rd Street with a mangled gate on its hood.

In the lobby of the Ed Sullivan Theater is a fellow named "Crazy Legs" Conti. He is 33, single, and lives downtown in the East Village. He is also a member of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, or I.F.O.C.E. What will he be doing for us tonight? Crazy Legs will be attempting to set a new international record by eating 44 dozen oysters by the end of the show. 44 dozen --- that’s 528 oysters. We widen the shot to see platter after platter of oysters. These aren’t just any oysters, “they’re New Orleans Oysters . . . the best in the world.” Crazy Legs proudly plugs the New Orleans oysters three more times during the show. How did Crazy Legs prepare? He carbo-loaded yesterday and hasn’t eaten since.

Observing and recording tonight’s attempt at the record is the President of the I.F.O.C.E, Rich Shea. We are ready. Crazy Legs is ready. Rich Shea is ready. The counter goes up. And we’re off! Crazy Legs starts out at an amazing pace, downing each oyster without taking time to enjoy each one. He missed one or two on the first platter but I’m sure if he has to, he’ll go back to scap it up later.

Meanwhile, we have a show to put on.

Have you heard about the friend of George W. Bush and author Doug Wead who secretly recorded conversations with the then-Texas Governor back in 1998. Well, he’s written a book and wow, imagine that, these tapes suddenly come out to the public! We have a clip from one of those conversations.

We hear Wead ask a question, to which Bush coughs and coughs. He choked on a nacho. Hey, it’s the only clip we were able to get.

GEORGE W. BUSH TALKS DIRTY: a speech from February 16th in New Hampshire – “I’ve touched it! I touched it in 2000 when I campaigned here and around the country. I touched it in 2004. And I really touched it at the State of the Union.”

We go back to take a look at Crazy Legs’ progress. He’s still going at a steady clip. He said earlier in the day he likes to front-load, meaning he likes to get as many in him early then coast to the finish line.

ACT 2: Coming back from commercial, we see Mr. Conti devouring oyster #145. We see Dave pull out a platter of oysters from behind his desk. He likes the oysters as well. Perhaps not 44 dozen, but the platter in front of him I expect to be just fine. Dave forks an oyster . . . . and he gulps it. Savoring the mollusk, he then quickly demands, “Where’s my counter? Put it up! Put it up!” The control quickly creates a counter and up comes “Oysters Eaten – 1” He eats a second oyster and the counter goes up to 2.

Dave talks some more with Crazy Legs, asking for the origin of Crazy Legs. Crazy says all will be answered in the documentary coming out on March 2nd here in New York City entitled, “Crazy Legs Conti: Zen and the Art of Competitive Eating.”

TOP TEN: Good Things About Having the Same Name as a President.
#10 Andrew Jackson: “When I withdraw money from the bank, instead of asking for Twenties, I ask for ‘Me’s’”
#9. James Garfield: “Every morning as I walk into Radio Shack, my co-workers have to play “Hail to the Chief.”
#8. George Washington: “I get the History Channel for free.”
#7. William Henry Harrison: “I don’t just say ‘no’ when my wife wants to redo the kitchen, I veto it.
#6. William McKinley: “Surefire pickup line: ‘Want to Mount McKinley’”
#5. Richard Nixon: “Nothing.”
#4. Bill Clinton: “I always get VIP treatment at strip clubs.
#3. Zachary Taylor: “I’m named after the guy who . . . actually, I’d never heard of him until today.”
#2. Thomas Jefferson: “When I show up at Colonial Williamsburg, I get more tail then Frank Sinatra.”
#1. George W. Bush: “With one phone call, I can invade any damn country I want.”

Back to Crazy Legs – he’s up to 193. Dave enjoys another. He’s up to 3.

ACT 3: Conti’s at 221.

STUPID PET TRICKS
PET TRICK #1: Mike Popick from Colorado, with Shadow, a half yellow lab, half golden retriever. Shadow is a big one, weighing at 112 pounds. Shadow’s dog food preference is Purina. Would Shadow eat an oyster? We’re about to find out. Shadow sniffs at it, thinks about it, and decides not.

What will Shadow do for us? Shadow will catch ice cubes spit out from Mike’s mouth. All is set. Mike puts an ice cube in his mouth and spits. Shadow, quick as a cat, snatches the ice cube. Ta da! We see the feat in slow motion.

As the hefty Shadow runs off, Dave mutters “that dog should consider a salad every now and then.”

PET TRICK #2: Teresa Hanula of Virginia with her dog Leroy, as Border collie. Will Leroy eat an oyster? Mmmm, nope. Not interested. So Dave eats the oyster. His counter goes up another.

What will Leroy do for us? Teresa says he will play house by setting the dinner table, then set the mood by playing a piano. We begin. From a toy kitchen set, Leroy places all the dinner fixings onto a table; plate, drink, meal. He then runs over to a piano and runs his snout up and down the keys. Ta da!

PET TRICK #3: Magda Pavlak of Oklahoma and her dog Kuba, a Boston Terrier. Will Kuba eat an oyster? Nope. I mean YES! Uhhh, nope, she spit it out. But wait, she ate it off the floor! But then she spit it out again. And then eats it! And then spits it out once again.

What will Kuba do for us? While Magda sings, Kuba will kiss her. Oooh, that sounds so cute. Magda sits Kuba on her lap and she begins to sing. Kuba then kisses/licks Magda fully on and IN the mouth. Lick lick lick. Ewwwwww. Says Dave . . . . . . c’mon, what did Dave say? You should know. Dave says, “We’re going to lose our liquor license.”

And that was Pet Tricks for tonight. Meanwhile, Crazy Legs is at oyster #254.

BONNIE HUNT: Would Bonnie like an oyster? No. Dave exhorts, “Oh, c’mon, don’t be like the dogs.” Oh, OK. Bonnie takes the scooped oyster and puts it in her mouth. Looking as if she just ate an . . . an . . . an oyster, Bonnie scrunches her face and gets it down. Only 527 more to go. Bonnie and her friend Larry just lived through a harrowing ordeal. Parting ways after an evening out, Bonnie hears behind her someone with Larry. She can hear Larry pleading. Seconds later, she hears the squeal of car tires racing down the street. Poor Larry had a gun put to his head and had his auto carjacked. Yikes. No one was injured, but their psyche has been irreparably harmed. When Larry calmed down, he said to Bonnie, “Well, now you’ve got a story for Letterman.”

I wonder if 15 years from now Bonnie comes on Dave’s show and admits the story to be fake, simply a tale to tell and entertain. (see Charlie Sheen; Wahoo Feb. 17, 2005)

Bonnie has a Johnny Carson story. Her family were big fans of Johnny’s and on rainy days when there was nothing to do, her mom would conduct talk shows and make believe the kids in the neighborhood were guests. It was great fun. One time as a little girl of 12 for Father’s Day, she took a tape from a Johnny Carson interview with Joey Bishop, cut out the Joey Bishop lines, and put herself in as if a guest on the Tonight Show. Johnny would ask a question (to Joey Bishop) which Bonnie would answer and would this all on tape. It was just Johnny and Bonnie. Johnny would say, “So, you’re performing in Vegas?” And Bonnie would answer, “Johnny, I’m only 12. I’m not allowed in Vegas!” She gave it to her dad for Father’s Day and he absolutely loved it.

While discussing her first visit to the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson, Bonnie places her hand on Dave’s leg. Startled, she says, “Wow! Those oysters really do work!” Says a laughing Dave, “Do you want to see the rising napkin?”

Back to the Johnny story . . . She said she had a great time on his show and afterwards Johnny said he would have her back soon. A short while later she was in New York and went to Dave’s show and sat in the audience. She was recognized after the show and told by one of the producers that the Tonight Show sent over a tape of her appearance and was booked to appear on LATE NIGHT a week later.

On her last visit to Johnny’s Tonight Show, she lamented how she wouldn’t have anybody to talk to anymore now that he was retiring. Johnny leaned over and said, “Well, you have Dave.”

To close the show, we go back to Crazy Legs. So how did Crazy Legs Conti fare? It’s a personal best, but not a World’s Record. He finished about 4 dozen short of his goal of 528. What does he get for his effort? Besides a squishy stomach, Crazy Legs gets a $25 gift certificate to Red Lobster, courtesy of the Late Show.

And that was our show for Monday February 21, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Dang it! Do you mean to tell me I missed Oprah getting her ears pierced yesterday? Why wasn’t I told of this?

The International Olympic Committee is in town scouting New York City as a possible venue for the 2012 Summer Olympics. Two people in the city really really want the Olympics; the Mayor and the Deputy Mayor. Nobody else who lives or works here wants anything to do with it. The 16-member evaluation committee of the IOC arrived at Rockefeller Center yesterday to cheers from scores of pedestrians who were holding signs such as “NYC Loves The Olympics” and “NYC2012.” And who were these pedestrians? TOURISTS! None of them were from New York City. (see Filip Bondy, Tuesday’s New York Daily News).

And I have a theory about the Olympic evaluation committee coming this week to New York City. I’m not sure who scheduled the visit for this week, but the fact that Monday was a holiday and many schools have the week off for mid-winter break, resulting in many commuters also taking the week off to be with their kids, makes the city more manageable for those of us who do commute and take the subways and walk the sidewalks and takes the busses. Gee, I’m sure the Olympic evaluators see the city as not so crowded and bursting at the seams as everyone here knows it to be. My drive in Tuesday morning was a breeze.

And as with anything else, the city needs to look at the typical hotel occupancy rate for the weeks of the Summer Olympics. It can only go as high as 100% during the Olympics. If the hotels are filled to 85% on a typical August week, then we are only talking a 15% increase in tourists. The Mayor loves to say how the Olympics will bring in millions of dollars during those weeks in the summer, but millions of dollars would already be coming in from tourists anyway, with or without the Olympics being here. New York City doesn’t need the Olympics. The Olympic are for cities that are looking to enter the world stage, not for cities already there.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
February 21, 1973 – The Chicago Black Hawks record their 262nd straight game without being shutout, an NHL record.