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Monday, January 03, 2005

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is Vying To Be The Next Pope
  
Often stops at Costco to buy communal wafers in bulk.
Book on his coffee table: "How to turn your Ford Focus into a popemobile."
He asks if you want to go giant hat shopping.
You ask how he's feeling and he replies, "Oh, quite Popey, thank you!"
The son-of-a-bitch keeps hitting on your wife in Latin.
Refers to his studio apartment as the "Little Vatican".
His name is Kenny, but he asks you to call him John Paul.
Regularly offers to baptize you with the garden hose.
Short on money, he just made the Domino's kid a saint.
Threatens to send you to hell if your dog craps on his lawn again.
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While making lunch, you notice his image on your grilled cheese.

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When his kids' football gets stuck in a tree, he dislodges it with an ornate golden staff.

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Drives a Chrystler because it kind of sounds like Christ.

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Dropped a dime on you to God about the illegal cable box.

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Skips poker night because he's hanging out with new best friend Mel Gibson.

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